DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, AND READ!!

       Before I was in love with reading, I always asked myself the same question whenever I saw a person fond in a book: What's the magic behind it? How come such a boring thing, that our international educational systems use to torture our brains with so much nonsense -or subjects I'm never and will never be interested in- be a comforter; how come such a lifeless thing such as a paper can me you ..... Somehow, alive?!  These questions all roamed my head for a while until I held my first dearly book- I'm not straying from the subject by stating its name, but it's recent and new.

     Despite my questionable nature about that, all doubts and questions went straight out of the window once I held the book in between my hands... It just felt like your very first crush -even better, love. You just know that what's in your hands now is your property, so you can't feel jealous; your heart skips a beat once you open your first page, knowing you'll find no hard even though the plots, summits, events ,or characters might break your heart. Despite that good old fact, you're still finishing the book, you're still into it, you're still ..... accepting it just the way it is. Not just that, every character now becomes your family, you're familiar with them to the limit you can predict every move and every  thought any character would be suspected of. 

    I'm not saying it's that useless love, that one that makes you isolated and changed. I'm saying that it's coming with benefits. For example, you always feel like you're the hero (heroin) of the story despite its events; you always get the feels of the plots, you know the right emotions that you need to feel throughout the whole book you're reading; you learn how to incorporate your feelings throughout your words, or you know well how to mask them -like me- like, how the heck you think I'm writing this  now? It has so many , but I'm not in the mood of making a birthday-for-a-very-deer-friend card! But there's this one notable benefit I ADORE about reading: escaping reality.

   I just know one thing for sure about myself now: I do not want to be here anymore.... I'm suffocated from the surrounding mood, people's judgments, looks- from the people themselves. I feel hatred to people who know me, although they don't. I hate the fact that I can't do what I want easily. I hate it when people know, I despise it when I like one of them. The most abhorred thing of all, I hate that no matter trial to get out of here, I can't seem to escape this place- so called home- at all.

     Don't worry if you feel stupid for both awkward reasons above, I'll explain. The whole reason is I'm dependent- like extremely dependent. I always had my parents working for me,getting the money; I know how to get out of any trouble by just smiling sheepishly- in conclusion, being the weakness... of myself. But do people let you do this? Well, not in my country, at least. People here try to insert themselves in everyone's lives, thinking that their opinions really matter ,and since they hadn't used them previously in their lives, then they're legit; they try to make traditions their getaway card whenever you're "acting weird". Blaming their messed up lives on the traditions, like blaming the car for crashing, forgetting that you were the driver!

     I've been trying to keep this away, running from my thoughts, saying it's okay here, convincing myself that I love traditions, trying my best to cope with people here( while I know I don't fit with their criteria), changing my surroundings, making more friends than usual, decorating my thoughts and reassembling them..... Nope. Nothing of those worked out.

      And as always, I have to not give up, it's not for my sake, too. It's now 04:25 am , writing to you from the middle of my suffocation because I can't take it any longer. No coffee for now since I'm trying to stop reading the novel at my hand and start sleeping for church tomorrow morning. So I hope you had yours... 

      All I'm asking for is lots of prayers, and lots of luck wishes.

 Good coffee time!